We live in a world where more people than ever have a voice and more people than ever have a platform on which to proclaim their views and opinions. This in and of itself is great – it offers us a freedom of expression never witnessed before. Yet as we all vie for other people’s attention and wish so much to be heard, we are unlearning how to listen and how to consider the views of others.
As the Sun moves into Libra, the themes of balance, equality and relationship building come into a stronger focus again. Libra is an idealistic sign which seeks justice and doesn’t accept sacrifices on either side of the proverbial scale. This drive for balance is why many Librans are often accused of being indecisive – they don’t accept a solution which puts anyone at an advantage over another and in reality these can often be tricky to achieve.
Nevertheless we could all learn a thing or two from this humanitarian approach to life. Every relationship, whether with family, a spouse, or a business partner, can benefit from just a touch of diplomacy. Read on for 6 top tips on how to become more diplomatic.
1) Show genuine curiosity for another person’s point of view. Listen.
Does anyone remember the blue dress / white dress debate that swept the internet almost a decade ago? It illustrates a very interesting point – two different people can look at the exact same object and see two vastly different things based on their past experiences and how their brains are wired. This doesn’t just apply to dresses, but to so many situations and experiences. It’s why eyewitness reports can be so notoriously unreliable.
Just because somebody sees something differently to you doesn’t necessarily make them wrong. Show genuine curiosity about their perspective by asking questions and actively listening to their answer. Something that is glaringly obvious to you may not be for them and vice versa, but you will never understand this difference in viewpoints unless you communicate clearly with each other and a key part in this communication is to listen to the other person’s perspective without interrupting them or focusing on the point you are going to make next.
2) Never assume that you have the full truth
In a similar vein, never assume that you have the full truth in any matter. That’s not necessarily to say the other person is deceiving you (though they might be), but there may be something about themselves that they are simply not comfortable telling you about because your relationship isn’t on that level (yet – or it may never be). To take this even further, how many of us aren’t even fully true to ourselves? We tell little white lies to ourselves all the time making up stories in our minds that will place people and circumstances in a particular light so that they may fit better with our core beliefs. This means that not only do you not have the full objective truth right now, you may never understand someone else’s full story and that’s ok. Remain humble enough to accept that you may not know all the facts, or that some of your facts might even be completely wrong. Apologise when this happens.
Contrary to what many think and feel, this doesn’t diminish your power, but actually increases it, because now your power is owned by you and not by a view or standpoint you have decided to represent.
3) Let go of the need to be right
This is a big one and sounds fairly obvious, right? Often times, the harder we try to convince someone that we are right, the further we drive them into their own point of view like the proverbial rams butting their heads. It is your responsibility to communicate your point of view and your thinking in a respectful manner, but it is not your responsibility or even your right to convince others to think the same. Yet often when we have a life-changing realisation or become passionate about a subject for whatever reason, we want everybody else to share in that experience. Even in these cases, where this comes from a place of love and concern for the other person, pushing your point forcefully will only push the other person away. The best thing you can do in these situations is to simply live the best version of yourself. It might invite questions and curiosity from others or it might not – you’ve got to be ok with either scenario.
There is a fine cut-off point where insisting on your point of view is only going to make things worse. It’s ok to take a break once this point is reached and return back to the conversation when feelings have cooled off a little. Consider if there can be a resolution that doesn’t hinge on either party being right or wrong. That’s the one you want to be aiming for.
4) Consider both the short term and long term consequences for both parties
In every arrangement and agreement there are going to be short term and long term consequences involved for both parties. We all have natural tendencies towards focusing more on the long term or the short term. Ideally, we want these to be balanced so that both parties understand and can be happy with both the short term and long term consequences – otherwise you’re only going to have to have the same conversation again at a later time, probably even more charged up than it was the first time.
A win/win situation can be created by balancing out each other’s short-term needs, so that both parties can benefit in the long term.
5) If you think something is going to cause an argument, don’t say it. Ask – but carefully
We usually have an intuitive knowing when we’re about to say something that is going to upset the other person. Sometimes we choose to ignore that intuition because we are so convinced that the message is more important than the other person’s feelings – though really, that is like saying apples are more important than pears. If not approached correctly, the other person is more likely to shut down and the message gets lost in an argument or seething resentment, so both parties lose.
When broaching a sensitive topic, avoid making strong, definitive statements. Instead, ask questions. As long as you’re genuinely ok with standing corrected if necessary, then it’s ok if they are slightly leading questions – for example “Do you think that going to bed too late might be making you more stressed during the day?” However, avoid accusations disguised as questions such as “How are you not seeing that staying up so late is making you grumpy?”
7) Avoid heavy or blunt language that indicates judgement
Language is a beautiful tool. There’s a time and space for all of its forms – including swearing like a sailor or being blunt to someone’s face. Usually a more refined choice of words will get you much further, though. Stay away from name calling – nobody wants or deserves to be pigeon-holed for any one of their behaviours. When a need arises to confront someone about an action they took or didn’t take, focus on that one incident and resist the temptation to generalise. Learn to walk the fine line between being assertive and being confrontational. That is where there magic happens.